There’s an iconic scene in Friends where Phoebe returns from a date and, when asked if it went well, says: ‘Not so good – he walked me to the subway and said “We should do this again”.’
Everyone sighs in unison, aside from Rachel who, confused, thinks that must mean it went well.
At this stage, Rachel is a very inexperienced dater – whereas the veterans among us know this isn’t usually a good sign.
Even I’ve been told ‘See you again soon’ and known – without a moment’s hesitation – that I won’t be hearing from that man again. However, on other occasions when the words are uttered, it’s been clear as day said man does mean it and he does, in fact, call.
So how can you tell when it’s true and when it’s a lie?
It’s all in the body language, according to Adrianne Carter – AKA ‘the face whisperer’ – who works with Tinder to decode dating situations.
After all, actions don’t always match up to words spoken.
She says: ‘Communication is key, but often, non-verbal cues are important to consider to show your match that you mean what you’re saying.’
These are the common dating lies to look out for – using Adrianne’s guide.
‘Let’s do this again‘
How to tell if they actually mean it when saying goodbye:
- They’ll give you eye contact when they say it. This is for two reasons – firstly, they’re watching your reaction to see if you’re interested or not and secondly, they want to create a bond and hopefully get your agreement.
- They’ll touch your elbow or upper arm. This means they want to create a deeper connection to you, and it emphasises their words.
- There may also be a head tilt. The head tilt shows they’re listening attentively for your response.
- A genuine smile. A heartfelt smile tells you everything – it would make them happy to see you again.
‘I’m emotionally available‘
We all know people can say this and, in reality, still be entangled with their toxic ex. These are the signs they mean it:
- They touch their chest area, as it means they are being truthful and trustworthy.
- Their feet are pointing towards you. The feet are the most truthful part of the body, wherever the feet are pointing is where the person wants to be.
- Open body language. They have everything uncrossed and no barriers in between you both.
- Show their hands (probably open palms). People that are telling the truth and trustworthy won’t be shy about showing their hands.
‘I’ll get this‘
This can be an awkward one – so how can you tell if they actually want to make the gesture?
- They reach for their wallet/purse as they say it. Their actions match their words and are synchronised.
- Genuine smiles – they are happy to pay this time.
- Eye contact with you as they say it. They want you to believe them.
- They’ll have a relaxed posture because they’re relaxed about paying, their body will reflect it.
‘I’m falling for you‘
With this one, be careful to avoid love bombing. Adrianne reveals how to decipher fact from fiction…
- You’ll see an eyebrow flash – they’re surprised and interested at how they’re feeling. This is always a good sign.
- Eye contact for longer than normal. They want to create a deeper bond with you. We look at things longer that we really like and are attracted to.
- Leaning in. They’re getting closer, showing attention and interest.
‘Of course, I love your dog/cat/best friend/cooking/insert other…‘
Not loving your cat might be a deal breaker, and they might know that. So here’s how to know if they are telling the truth…
- Reassuring touch to the arm. They’re emphasising their words with a touch to show you they mean it.
- Their breathing is steady. Changes in breathing can often mean stress or tension is occurring in the body.
- Their tone of voice is level and normal for them. When we say something we don’t fully believe, the words will get stuck in the throat or there’ll be a change in pitch.
- Blink rate remains steady. This shows there’s no strain on their mental processing and it’s easy for them to say.
Tinder’s top body language tips to know a date is going well:
- Eyebrow flash: Eyebrows lift with a smile, show them they are into you.
- Mirroring: When two people are in sync they often copy their body language.
- Double eye contact: Catch someone’s eye, look away, then look again to ooze flirtiness.
- Licking lips (female): Makes them glossier and a receptive sign whilst on a date.
- Showing forearms (male): This can be taken as a sign of confidence and strength.
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